Trumpet Player Jokes






"Ah, the trumpet. Now there's an instrument on which one can truly embarrass himself!" (G. Keillor to G. Bordner)
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Customer: "I'd like to get a bottle of valve oil for my new Schill trumpet"
The store owner thinks for a minute and replies: "OK, that sounds like a fair trade to me."
(Schill trumpets are cheaply made-in-China trumpets of very poor quality.
The name "Schill" was chosen to misrepresent a Schilke trumpet which are top of the line professional.)
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How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because the world revolves around them!
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What's the difference between a trumpet and a chain saw?
Vibrato, though you can minimize this difference by holding the chain saw very still.
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What is a gentleman?
Somebody who knows how to play the trumpet, but doesn't.
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How many trumpeters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he'll do it too loudly.
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What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
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How do trumpet players traditionally greet each other?
"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you."
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How do you know when a trumpet player is at your door?
The doorbell shrieks!
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Why can't a gorilla play trumpet?
He's too sensitive.
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What do trumpet players use for birth control?
Their personalities.
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What did little Johnny's mother tell him when he said "I want to be a trumpet player when I grow up?"
"But Johnny, you can't do both."
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What would a trumpet player do if he won a million dollars?
Continue to play gigs until the money runs out.
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How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to handle the bulb and four to tell him how much better they could have done it.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the trumpet players.
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How do you improve the aerodynamics of a trumpeter's car?
Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof.
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What do you call a lead trumpet player with half a brain?
Gifted.
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What's the first thing a trumpet player says at work?
"Would you like fries with that?"
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How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to change the bulb and four to contemplate how Louie Armstrong would have done it.
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How many second trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
None - They don't go up that high!
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Can you play a Trumpet Voluntarily?
No, parents make you do it.
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What's the difference between a free jazz trumpeter and a terrorist?
The terrorist has sympathizers.
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What is the range of a trumpet player?
It depends: how strong are you, and how far you want to throw him?
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How many jazz trumpeters does it take to change a light bulb?
Never mind- they can fake the changes.
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How do you get a trumpet player to play softly?
Take away his instrument.
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A great jazz trumpet player dies and goes to heaven.
When he gets there, he finds out that heaven has a jazz band and rehearsal is about to begin.
When he arrives at the rehearsal, he finds out that it is the biggest jazz band he had ever seen.
There were over twenty trumpet players, including all the greats,
like Miles Davis, Dizzy Gillespie, Louis Armstrong, and many others.
The band sounds incredible, the best he had ever heard, and all of the players were great, with one exception.
The lead player was horrible! The lead player had no high chops, couldn't play a decent swing groove, and could not improvise.

Yet this horrible player was on lead, really looked like he was getting into the songs,
and looked incredibly smug and pleased with himself after every song. Incredulous,
he asked the player next to him, "Who is that guy? He's horrible!"
The other player replied,
"Oh, that's just St.Peter
Only he likes to think that he's Wynton Marsalis."
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What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
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Whats the range of a solo trumpet player?
about 40 yards if its a "super-light" model.
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Why do trumpet players put a trumpet on the dash of their car?
--So they can park in the handicapped spot.
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What's the difference between a trumpet player and Barak Obama?
Barak doesn’t play a trumpet.
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How do you tell a trumpet player's knocking at your door?
The knock speeds up.
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How can you tell a trumpet player's kids at a playground?
They don't know how to swing.
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4 trumpet players are in a mini van. The mini van goes off a cliff. What's the tragedy in this?
You can fit 8 trumpet players in a mini van.
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How many trumpet players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Zero. They just complain about the darkness until a trombone player does it for them.
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How do you get a trumpet to play fff?
Mark mp on the part.
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How are trumpets like pirates?
They both do murder on the high C's
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Why do Bb trumpets have three valves?
Because trumpet players can't count to four.
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Did you hear about the three trumpet players that collaborated on a book of scales?
Each contributed the one they knew.
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Why are trombone jokes so short?
So trumpet players can understand them.
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How do you make your trumpet sound like a french horn? Stick your hand in the bell and miss lots of notes.